“Go on a date,” she said. “You’ll love it,” she said. She was wrong! It had been one year, two months and seventeen days since my last date. So my best friend Abby decided to sign me up for a dating app. She guaranteed that she could get me the best date of my life within one week. I didn’t really want to do it, but I figured what did I have to lose? Turns out that I had: 1. $500 2. My dignity 3. My patience and 4. My innocence to lose OK, so I didn’t really have my innocence to lose, but believe you me, Jack Morrison was my worst date ever. And I’ve been on a lot of bad dates. Trust me when I say that that was the longest ten hours and 33 minutes of my life. I never wanted to see or speak to him again. But it turns out you don’t always get what you want in life, because Jack showed up the very next day at a family gathering I was attending as a fake plus one. As you can imagine that was a real pickle, Jack wanted to know why I went on a date with him when I’m dating someone else. But he can’t know the whole complicated truth of the matter. I’m in a fake relationship and now I’m being blackmailed by the worst date ever. That’s not even the worst part. I decided to log onto this new app called “confession board” to seek some advice, but it turns out Jack Morrison is absolutely everywhere and he’s not going to leave me alone until I submit to his demands.

Jennie has been a widow for two years. Her twelve-year-old son thinks it's about time she started dating, and so does her best friend, Angela. So with Angela's help, Jennie signs up to an online dating site. Within hours, she has several dates lined up for the week. Surely there will be one Prince Charming in the bunch. And if not, it's only one date, right? How bad could it be?

When 16-year-old Hugo, who is ready for something more than school and just hanging out with his friends, meets Glenn Elliot Paul, he thinks that maybe he has found something to look forward to. He gets more than he bargained for, however, when he realizes that the mysterious man of his dreams is also dating his mother.

An enemies to lovers boss romance During the day, I work for Dylan McAllister, the hunky billionaire who became CEO of his own company at thirty. He may be one of the hottest men I’ve ever met in my life, but he’s also the boss from hell. He has dazzling blue eyes that pierce your soul and freeze your heart. And he’s a known womanizer. I call him AB to my friends—Asshole Boss. He’s grumpy, demanding, and rude. And that’s on a good day. He’s definitely the worst boss ever. The only reason I’m still his secretary is because I have debt up to my eyeballs thanks to student loans and an ex that conned me into letting him use my credit cards. I’m counting down the days until I can quit and tell him to get his own coffee and lobster rolls. My calendar says that between both my jobs, I only need to work for him for three more months. You see, Mr. McAllister has no idea that his “mousey little secretary” has a night job just so I can quit as soon as possible. That is, until I end up at a bachelor party for his brother. And then the real drama begins … because Mr. McAllister can’t seem to get over the fact that his boring secretary also pops out of cakes.

None of Froggy's friends are home one Saturday, so he goes on a movie playdate with Frogilina.

"He spills out a pile of pennies all over the table, telling me he fished through the couch for change to pay for his big night out." From the guy who chews on rocks to the one who has his mom tag along, Awful First Dates is filled with hilarious, cringe-worthy, holy-crap-did-that-really-happen?! stories from celebrities like Lauren Conrad and Michael Kors, you'll laugh, you'll cringe-and most importantly-you'll feel better about some of the date's you've been on! •He ate an entire bowl of dip with his fingers. •He said, "I think we should hang out in the woods and just groove on each other." •About thirty minutes in, he paused, took a sip of win, and then said, "So, can we go have sex now?" Sarah Z. Wexler, a freelance writer, lives and goes on first dates in New York City.

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Lambda Literary Award for Bisexual Nonfiction Award Winner • A rip-roaring, edgy and unabashedly raunchy new collection of hilarious essays from the New York Times bestselling author of We Are Never Meeting in Real Life. “Stay-up-all-night, miss-your-subway-stop, spit-out-your-beverage funny.” —Jia Tolentino, New York Times bestselling author of Trick Mirror Irby is forty, and increasingly uncomfortable in her own skin despite what Inspirational Instagram Infographics have promised her. She has left her job as a receptionist at a veterinary clinic, has published successful books and has been friendzoned by Hollywood, left Chicago, and moved into a house with a garden that requires repairs and know-how with her wife in a Blue town in the middle of a Red state where she now hosts book clubs and makes mason jar salads. This is the bourgeois life of a Hallmark Channel dream. She goes on bad dates with new friends, spends weeks in Los Angeles taking meetings with "tv executives slash amateur astrologers" while being a "cheese fry-eating slightly damp Midwest person," "with neck pain and no cartilage in [her] knees," who still hides past due bills under her pillow. The essays in this collection draw on the raw, hilarious particulars of Irby's new life. Wow, No Thank You. is Irby at her most unflinching, riotous, and relatable. Don't miss Samantha Irby's bestselling new book, Quietly Hostile!