How do two well-meaning people who genuinely care about each other end up in a damaged, unsatisfying relationship? Every couple faces conflict. Most of the time, the root of the problem is that we’re not getting our needs met. And most of the time, we first try to remedy this with reasonable requests—or hints—and a kind tone. But when that fails, we feel disempowered, which leads to sighs, eye rolls, silences, subtle put-downs, insults, and even threats. These are power moves. And while we often use them without realizing it and without intention, the result is the same—our partner feels disempowered and will try to re-empower themselves. And so the endless, and endlessly destructive, dynamic takes hold. Relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, reveals a better way: a three-step method for conflict-free problem solving. By recognizing each partner’s power moves, we can instead find mutually satisfying ways to heal our hurts and meet each other’s needs. Non-judgmental, compassionate, and wise, this is an indispensable guide to help couples end the negative cycle and get back to the loving understanding that brought them together in the first place. “Mira Kirshenbaum’s words of wisdom are an inspiration to everyone who reads them.” —Deepak Chopra

Bestselling author and relationship expert, Mira Kirshenbaum examines power dynamics in relationships and teaches couples her three-step method for ending their power struggles and finding their way back to love. How do two well-meaning people who genuinely care about each other end up in a damaged, unsatisfying relationship? Every couple faces conflict and often the root of the problem is how we're not getting our needs met. Initially, we will try to remedy it with reasonable requests--or hints--and a kind tone. But when that fails, we feel disempowered, which leads to sighs, eye rolls, silences, subtle put-downs, insults, and even threats. These are power moves. And while we often engage in power moves unintentionally, the result is the same: our partner feels disempowered and will try to re-empower themselves. Thus the continuous, endlessly destructive dynamic takes hold. Relationship expert Mira Kirshenbaum, bestselling author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, reveals a better way with her three-step method for conflict-free problem solving. By recognizing each partner's power moves, we can instead find mutually satisfying ways to heal our hurts and meet each other's needs. Non-judgmental, compassionate, and wise, this is an indispensable guide to help couples end the negative cycle and get back to the loving understanding that brought them together in the first place.

There are many books that promise to help you fix a bad relationship. This groundbreaking bestseller is the first one to help you choose whether you should even try—or if you need to go. Psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum draws on years of research and her work with real-life couples to help you make the right decision. She shows you how to diagnose your unique situation with self-analysis and questions like these, which get to the very heart of your problems: • What sins are forgivable and which ones are unpardonable? • Is your partner questioning your opinions to the point where you doubt yourself? • What is your sex life really like, and how important is it? • Is there real love left between you, and how does it stack up against all that you find unlovable? Mira Kirshenbaum provides expert guidelines that are the key to making all your choices, concrete steps that you can implement right now, and the ultimate way to determine your personal bottom line—what you need to be happy. This remarkably insightful and probing guide offers advice that lets you see the truth about your relationship—and with wisdom and compassion, it helps you act with the confidence of knowing that whether you decide to go or stay, you are doing the very best thing.

Do you and your partner argue about the same things over and over again? Are you often confused about why your partner is so angry with you? Are things getting worse and worse even though you’ve tried everything you can think of to make them better? In this breakthrough guide to repairing romantic relationships, therapist and marriage researcher Dr. Stephen Betchen presents a powerful new explanation of what leads to this kind of escalating conflict in couples and how you can repair your relationship and find a whole new level of happiness. Based on his extensive experience as a couples’ therapist, Dr. Betchen has discovered that the prevailing idea that opposites attract is wrong. Instead, one of the strongest forces that attracts people to one another is that they share a hidden, inner conflict in their lives—an unconscious struggle within themselves that each of them developed growing up—which he calls a "master conflict." The fact that a couple shares a master conflict acts as an almost magnetic force of attraction, but, over time, master conflicts often begin to push a pair apart—many of the very things you most appreciated about each other start to grate on you, producing increasing hostility. The good news is that by identifying the master conflict that you share, you and your partner can take the steps to break the cycle of fighting and come to a new place of understanding and happiness in your relationship. Often, just the realization that you have this hidden conflict acts as a powerful cure, allowing you to appreciate each other once again and to be empathetic about the things that have been irritating you both. From his years of work with couples, Betchen has identified the nineteen most common master conflicts—such as getting your needs met vs. caretaking; giving vs. withholding; commitment vs. freedom; power vs. passivity—and for each he provides vivid stories of couples who have struggled with them, as well as simple tests that help you to: • Identify the core master conflict that is causing your relationship problems • Understand the origins of your conflict and how it drew you to your partner • Diagnose how the conflict is now pushing you apart • Come to new terms with the conflict to save your relationship As Dr. Betchen writes, knowledge of a master conflict is power, and Magnetic Partners is an empowering guide that will help you not only to identify and control your master conflict, but also to bring your relationship to a new level based on deeper understanding, ultimately leading to greater fulfillment and long-term resilience. Partners

"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the "why" behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.Dr. John Gottman, the country's pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Psychological Association, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, Dr. Gottman offers surprising findings and advice on the characteristic that is at the heart of all relationships: Trust. Dr. Gottman has developed a formula that precisely calculates any couple's loyalty level. The results determine a relationship's likely future, including the potential for one or both partners to stray. A Love You Can Trust shows couples how to bolster their trust level and avoid what Dr. Gottman calls the "Roach Motel for Lovers." He describes how the outcome of--"sliding door moments," small pivotal points between a couple, can lead either to more emotional connection or to discontent. He suggests a new approach to handling adultery and reveals the varied and unexpected non-sexual ways that couples often betray each other. A Love You Can Trust guides couples through an empirically tested, trust-building program that will let them repair and maintain a long-term, intimate, and romantic relationship"--

A USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestseller! Learn how to fight better and end your arguments with your partner feeling closer, more loved, and better understood. We take our cars in for oil changes. We mow our lawns and pull weeds. Why don't we do maintenance on our marriages? This relationship is the most important one we will ever have, so why not get better at it? For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness of The Holderness Family have done the hard maintenance and the research to learn how to fight better. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a bar fight or a bra fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom? With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their 10 most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and successfully close hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way. In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to: Use "magic words" for healthy conflict resolution Address unspoken and unrealistic expectations Banish the three Ds of unhealthy communication—distraction, denial, and delay Carry individual baggage while helping your partner deal with theirs Penn and Kim want you to know you're not alone. Everybody fights. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it!

NYT best-selling authors Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott reveal new techniques based on extensive research that help couples manage conflict constructively - that's the "good fight."