Weve lived for eons with a set of rules guiding how we have relationships with one another. These Old Rules have, without question, been inadvertently passed, without examination, from generation to generation by our families. Its past time to expose them to the light of day. Why? Together, these Old Rules create a toxic environment we accept as inviolate. We struggle against others and against ourselves, not realizing that the shame-based Old Rules hold us back from being who we are meant to be and doing what we are meant to do. When feelings of undeserved shame (something is wrong with us) become part of how we think of ourselves, two things are true: 1) our true selves become more defended and less available to ourselves and others, and 2) we become more easily manipulated to serve someone elses needs in ways that are not in our best interests. That sense of shame and the Old Rules reinforce each other. One look at them and its easy to see how they make it difficult to have healthy relationships. They are definitely not conducive to happiness. We know better. We just need to know how to do better, one rule at a time. Unmasking and replacing Old Rules with even one of the New Rules begins to change everything Change the rules, change the game.

Chronic shame is painful, corrosive, and elusive. It resists self-help and undermines even intensive psychoanalysis. Patricia A. DeYoung’s cutting-edge book gives chronic shame the serious attention it deserves, integrating new brain science with an inclusive tradition of relational psychotherapy. She looks behind the myriad symptoms of shame to its relational essence. As DeYoung describes how chronic shame is wired into the brain and developed in personality, she clarifies complex concepts and makes them available for everyday therapy practice. Grounded in clinical experience and alive with case examples, Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame is highly readable and immediately helpful. Patricia A. DeYoung’s clear, engaging writing helps readers recognize the presence of shame in the therapy room, think through its origins and effects in their clients’ lives, and decide how best to work with those clients. Therapists will find that Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame enhances the scope of their practice and efficacy with this client group, which comprises a large part of most therapy practices. Challenging, enlightening, and nourishing, this book belongs in the library of every shame-aware therapist.

This volume explores contemporary social conflict, focusing on a sort of violence that rarely receives coverage in the evening news. This violence occurs when powerful institutions seek to manipulate the thoughts of marginalized people—manufacturing their feelings and fostering a sense of inferiority—for the purpose of disciplinary control. Many American institutions strategically orchestrate this psychic violence through tactics of systemic humiliation. This book reveals how certain counter-measures, based in a commitment to human dignity and respect for every person’s inherent moral worth, can combat this violence. Rothbart and other contributors showcase various examples of this tug-of-war in the US, including the politics of race and class in the 2016 presidential campaign, the dehumanizing treatment of people with mental disabilities, and destructive parenting styles that foster cycles of humiliation and emotional pain.

We all carry sexual shame. Whether we grew up in the repressive purity culture of American Evangelical Christianity or not, we've all been taught in subtle and not-so-subtle ways that sex (outside of very specific contexts) is immoral and taboo. Psychotherapist Matthias Roberts helps readers overcome their shame around sex by overcoming three unhealthy coping mechanisms we use to manage that shame. Beyond Shame encourages each of us to determine our own definition of healthy sex, while avoiding the ditches of boundaryless sex positivity on the one hand and strict moralistic boundaries on the other. Define your sexual values on your own terms, overcome your shame, and start having great, healthy sex.

'Man, who is born of woman, is of few days and full of trouble.' These discerning words from Job speak of the difficult times that every person on this earth will experience at some stage in their life - no matter their age, gender or ethnicity. For some, that may bring not only physical or emotional pain, but also a sense of shame which cannot easily be shifted or removed. This book will take you on a journey, exploring a selection of characters in the Bible who have broken through the shame barrier and show how they have been able to do this and therefore demonstrate that there is life beyond shame.

All Noelle Cunningham has ever wanted was a life beyond--beyond her stifling role as a prim and proper councilman's daughter, and beyond the walls of the patriarchal city of Eden, the only remnants of safety in a world destroyed by solar storms decades earlier. But when she's banished for violating the prohibition against immorality, she's unprepared for the lawless world outside the city's walls. The sectors surrounding Eden house those abandoned to fend for themselves--men like Jasper McCray, bootlegger and cage fighter. Jas clawed his way up from nothing to stand at the right hand of Sector Four's ruthless leader, and he'll defend the O'Kane gang with his life. But fighting hasn't prepared him for dealing with a sheltered City princess who falls at his feet. Her innocence is undeniable, but so is her intense sexual curiosity. Soon they're exploring every dark fantasy she's ever been ashamed to have. But if Noelle wants to claim her place with the O'Kanes and at Jas's side, she'll have to find the courage to embrace something even more terrifying than her own desires. Her own power. *** The Beyond Series is dystopian erotic romance. While the books explore kink and sex with multiple partners in a dark and decadent world, all sex between characters is 100% consensual.

We live in a time of uncertainty about relationships. We search for The One but find ourselves staying single because nobody measures up. We long for a happily-ever-after but break-up after break-up leave us bruised and confused. Rewriting the Rules: An Anti Self-Help Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships is a friendly guide through the complicated - and often contradictory - advice that's given about sex and gender, monogamy and conflict, break-up and commitment. It asks questions about the rules of love, such as which to choose from all the rules on offer? Do we stick to the old rules we learnt growing up, or do we try something new and risk being out on our own? And what about the times when the rules we love by seem to make things worse, rather than better? This new edition, updated throughout, considers how the rules are being 'rewritten' in various ways - for example in monogamish and polyamorous relationships, different ways of understanding sex and gender, and new ideas for managing commitment and break-up where economics, communities, or child-care make complete separation impossible. This book considers how the rules are being ‘rewritten’ in various ways, giving you the power to find an approach that best fits your situation.