Uncle Joe got fired at work He said because his boss is a jerk Uncle Joe has allegations Mom and dad have reservations Uncle Joe is staying here Uncle Joe might offer you beer Careful not to take a sip Roofies are what he might slip Uncle Joe likes having baths Uncle Joe might touch your ass Keep your distance from his hands Even when he makes demands When in doubt you can just say no And never bathe with Uncle Joe

This book contains a series of comedic short stories about a boy growing up on a farm during the 1970's. Mainly based on true events, it includes many cartoons.

There is no one who loved his family more than Joseph Carrandini; to him, family was everything. When his Uncle Joe was found dead in his home, Carrandini was devastated. His devastation turned to anger when the police ruled his favorite uncle and most trusted confidant's death as an accident, just because his uncle was over eighty. When it came to death, Joe Carrandini knew what accidental looked like and what suspicious looked like and what murder looked like. After all he spent his early adult years becoming an expert in the latter; in those days he was known as "Joey the Bat." He rose to be one of the most successful and feared crime bosses in the Windy City...allegedly. "Joey the Bat' preferred to think of himself as a good business man with a unique set of negotiating skills. Now older and wiser, over the past ten years, he had become "legit." He wanted answers, but he knew it would be difficult for him to get those answers. He was concerned that his past may have reached back to send him a message. Uncle Joe knew Joey's secrets, but not secrets about his criminal life. Uncle Joe was always squeaky clean, a man that helped others. The secrets that Uncle Joe knew were the secrets that needed to be kept to keep their family safe. This led "Joey the Bat" one damp evening to the corner of Clark and Polk and up the stairs to an office of a man who had the reputation of being discreet and honest. This man, he had heard, was driven by a tragedy in his own life. This man was someone who was not afraid of the bad guys, cops, or things that go bump in the night. In fact, "Joey the Bat" had heard, he was the type of man who made things go bump in the night. He was reputed to be a loner who didn't particularly care for anyone, except for his family, which included the people that worked with him. Joseph Carrandini wanted this man to find out who ended his Uncle Joe's life. He knew that money wouldn't be enough to get this man to help him. He, as they say in the movies, "would make him an offer he couldn't refuse." He would offer a bonus. If he would find out who killed Uncle Joe, Carrandini would help Nick Caldwell find out who killed his daughter and unborn child. Nick took the job. What follows is a valuable lesson learned...Family, you can't always live with them and you can't kill them all.