There be no callin' 'dibs' in piratin'. Booty be divided among the crew, from the lowest deckswabber to the highest masthand. So says the Pirate Code." --Calico Jack Rackham, king of the pirates * Enjoy a witty mock-official handbook for potential pirates and plunderers. Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those uber-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure, and much more.

There be no callin' 'dibs' in piratin.' Booty be divided among the crew, from the lowest deckswabber to the highest masthand. So says the Pirate Code." —Calico Jack Rackham, king of the pirates Enjoy a witty mock-official handbook for potential pirates and plunderers. Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those uber-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure and much more.

The comedic duo behind The Government Manual for New Superheroes is back, and this time they've brought their magic wands and enchanted artifacts. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a hilarious, mock-official handbook for wannabe witches and warlocks who need advice on recognizing the onset of wizardolescence, understanding the laws of magic (and the magic of laws), choosing (or being chosen by) the right magical items and enchanted artifacts, dealing with the dead (grateful and otherwise), successfully hosting magical exhibitions, and the proper care and feeding of magical creatures. Wands, charms, cloaks of invisibility, shoes of stealth (or sneakers), and other otherworldly accoutrements--it's all here, discussed tongue-in-cheek but with the utmost Governmental authority. This entertaining guide offers such sage advice as: * A demon is just as afraid of you as you are of it--provided, of course, that you are eight feet tall, composed of living fire, and capable of destroying a small village with a single angry thought. Otherwise, it doesn't find you frightening at all. * When selecting educational programs, do not be tempted by solicitations from wizardry parchment mills. A so-called degree from such a place is not worth the scroll on which it appears to be inscribed. The ink will disappear not long after the school itself does. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a sidesplitting spoof of all things wizard-y.

This tongue-in-cheek parenting book is a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual parents have ever cringed over.

Whizzing cannonballs, howling storms, rare diseases Being a pirate isn't all fun and games. But if the thought of a ton of loot spurs you on, take a firm grip on your cutlass and open this book. It's bursting with hints on everything from fearsome flags to proper pirate talk. No self-respecting sea-robber should set sail without it.

A humorous guide to a pirate's life on the high seas, packed with intriguing historical detail that no self-respecting sea-dog should leave port without With The Usborne Official Pirate's Handbook, young landlubbers can become the fiercest of pirates by finding out how to keep their ship in tip-top shape, the best way to settle an argument with a shipmate, and how to survive a storm at sea. This book reveals the true nature of piracy to be more fascinating than the myths of peg legs, eye patches, and parrots.

The Educator's Guide to Substance Abuse Prevention is for educators and other school personnel who are concerned about student drug use and school violence. It will help them to appreciate and use their humanity, professional skills, educational ideals, and the school curriculum as tools for substance abuse prevention. Teachers' concerns are addressed in several ways. First, the text provides a guide through which they may resolve personal and professional concerns about the commitments, limits, and boundaries of their working relationships with students. Second, it describes tasks that teachers can perform and mental health issues they can address in creating classroom policies, procedures, and rules to promote healthful learning activity in the classroom. Third, the author summarizes and interprets research and theory about substance abuse as they apply specifically to educational prevention and to professional teaching practice--arguing that classroom management strategies, learning activities, and social interaction are a teacher's primary tools of prevention, and showing how teachers may use these tools in any curricular area and without direct reference to drugs. A highlight of this text is its emphasis on helping teachers to explore drug-related issues from within the context of their own curricular specialties and to integrate substance abuse prevention with the curriculum in many school subjects--including the arts, literature, social studies, history, government, science, and culture. Action-oriented prevention strategies based on these content areas are suggested. The Educator's Guide to Substance Abuse Prevention: *focuses primarily on teaching, learning, and prevention rather than on information about drugs; *helps teachers to better use what they already do, know, and are in order to respond competently, responsibly, and with sensitivity to the needs of their students; *attends to the needs of teachers who do prevention work and the needs of children who are the target of prevention efforts; *describes student disappointment and disillusionment with family, school, and community as sources of risk and the legitimate domain in which teachers may serve a curative role; *provides extensive coverage of historical, social, and cultural issues related to substance abuse and school violence; and *alerts teachers to the risk to children posed by extremist adult groups, prominent negative role models, popular culture, and peer pressure.