Fausti 'the Fist' Dellacava is the most feared mobster in all of Gotham. But running the family business is proving to be problematic as the Feds start closing in. So what's a mobster to do to stay out of the slammer? Fausti chooses to go down the insanity route.

Lawyer Saul Goodman of Better Call Saul and Breaking Bad offers his own particular brand of funny, down-to-earth legal advice. Got the long arm of the law around your neck? Does Lady Justice have her eye on you? Were you set up at a lineup? Saul Goodman can help! There are some crazy laws out there. Did you know that in New Mexico there’s a law that says “idiots” can’t vote? Or that Massachusetts still has a ban on Quakers and witches? Or that in Georgia it’s illegal to put a donkey in a bathtub? Even if you’re not bathing a donkey (and hey, if you are, no judgment from me!), you could be breaking the law right now and not even know it. That’s why you need Don't Go to Jail! You can carry the advice of a seasoned legal practitioner with you anywhere you go, helping you to stay out of the courts and in the good graces of the criminal justice system. Want to be your own attorney? Want to avoid getting hauled in on a warrant? Want to keep the cops from discovering the baggie of “your friend’s” marijuana stashed under the passenger seat of your car? This is your chance to get those tips and many more savory bits of indispensable legal advice--all for much less than my usual hourly fee.

A judge hands down a stretch in a local, state, or federal prison. It’s time for some serious life lessons. With the crime rates soaring in the United States and the prison population growing faster than at any time in American history, staying alive and well—both mentally and physically—is tougher than ever. Behind Bars breaks down the bars on prison survival with a hard look at the realities of incarceration. Learn what it really takes to: • Avoid being sexually abused, stabbed, beaten, or even killed. • Identify deadly prison gangs. • Keep your own attorney from taking advantage of you. • Get edible food and stay as healthy as possible. • Learn the realities and untangle red tape of conjugal visits. • Successfully navigate the complex parole system. • Stay alive during a prison riot.

When someone you love goes to jail, you might feel lost, scared, and even mad. What do you do? No matter who your loved one is, this story can help you through the tough times.

Why you should be reading this book. To the victims of crime: Make no mistake about it, after reading this book, you will know beyond a reasonable doubt that prisoners in jail are suffering. Whether it is on the city, county, or state level, prisoners are living in a world that far extends the suffering they have inflicted upon you. Having this knowledge will never make up for your loss or ill feelings. It can only do two things: give you peace of mind...or allow you to forgive. In any case, each and every day a criminal is behind bars, s/he is subject to disease, destruction, despair, and death. This book will provide you with extremely vivid details of the life of a prisoner...And I can assure you, whats going in the mind of a prisoner is far more torturous than whats happening in the cell. To the parents: What will it be today that sets you apart from the responsibility of being accountable to your children. How will you spend your day? What puts you at risk of coming to jail today? Consider the events that make up your day; the drives, the pick ups, the drops, the fighting, the stealing, the dealing, the doping, the drinking. How much longer can you play this game of roulette with your children? Whats it going take for you to already realize the sorrow, regret, and despair, you will feel by coming to jail and simultaneously abandoning your children. To the criminal: Are you alone? Did you come to jail today? Will you be here tomorrow? Does your history wish for a better re-occurrence of events unfolding in your life? Right now, at this very moment, are you in jail because of some unforseen future that should have been recognized long before the cuffs were place around your wrists? If you are in jail today, have been in jail before, or are setting yourself up to go to jail, this is the book to read. Jail is the sentence you receive for committing a crime. The sentence will be time. But the true punishment of your crime will come from the imprisonment of your mind. Peter Hall

The American criminal justice system is becoming ever more centralized and punitive, owing to rampant federalization and mandatory minimum sentencing guidelines. Go Directly to Jail examines these alarming trends and proposes reforms that could rein in a criminal justice apparatus at war with fairness and common sense.