Greasy foreheads. Spiky frosted hair. Oiled-up faces dripping with Tag Body Shot spray. Armani Exchange T-shirts and rank cologne wafting off their backs like fetid pollen clouds as they pump their fists and attempt to grind into any hotties nearby. Young beauties oblivious to the hulking monstrosity clutching at their butts like snapping turtles on Red Bull. From sea to douchey sea, ours is a culture plagued by this festering blight. By the dark forces of über-douchebaggery. How did this happen? What can we do to confront the douchebag/hottie plague that rots our collective souls like boils sent by a wrathful and angry God? And how can you recover if you or your loved one is 'bag? Now, for the first time, there is an answer to those questions that haunt our collective will and sap our culture of any claim to societal advance: Why hottie/douchebaggery? Why now? And why are douche-faces so silly? In this book we dissect, analyze, contemplate and mock the rank douchescrotes that pollute our country's hottie supply on a daily basis. Every branch of the douche-tree will be examined. Every corner of our cultural rot will be exposed. And if we can lust after their hotties along the way, then all the better.

Target. Observe. Ridicule. You run into them every day—the striped-shirt guy, the karaoke master, the dude with a pencil-thin beard, the guy who won’t shut up about his fantasy football team—characters who annoy, irritate, and incense us all. Based on the wildly popular essay on ThePhatPhree.com by Mike Polk, this book is a look inside the heads of the most infuriating douchebags on Earth. It’s the best of ThePhatPhree.com plus more than fifty all-new, hilarious pieces written by some of your favorite writers from this site. Everyone’s (Least) Favorite, The Striped-Shirt Guy … I will valet tonight! I will treat the valet with contempt and make sure that he knows that I am superior to him. I will tell him, “Take it easy on the brakes, champ”! When I do not hook up with a girl at the club, I will say that the place is “full of skanks” and wait in line at another bar, only to strike out again! Your “Cool” High School Teacher … Here are some things I allow in my class that other teachers don’t: eating, drinking, swearing, dancing, smoking, fighting, cell phones, Texas hold ’em, iPods, and sex. Like my Goo Goo Dolls tee? Anyone else here down with the Dolls? No? Me either. I’m just wearing it as a goof. The Guy with Amazing Taste in Music … Personally, I haven’t listened to the radio in fifteen years. If you have ever heard a band on the radio, then I can assure you, I am not a fan. I stopped listening to American music about ten years ago.

Sometimes you can’t change—and sometimes you just don’t want to. Read Ben’s side of the Ten Tiny Breaths story in this romantic coming of age novel by the beloved, top-selling indie author praised for her “likeable characters, steamy liaisons, and surprising plot twists” (Kirkus Reviews). Purple-haired, sharp-tongued Reese MacKay knows all about making the wrong choice; she’s made plenty of them in her twenty-odd-years. So when her impulsive, short-lived marriage ends in heartbreak, she decides it’s time for a change. She moves to Miami with the intention of hitting reset on her irresponsible life, and she does quite well…aside from an epically humiliating one-night stand in Cancun with a hot blond bouncer named Ben. Thank God she can get on a plane and leave that mistake behind her. Football scholarship and frat parties with hot chicks? Part of charmer Ben Morris’s plan. Blown knee that kills any hope of a professional football career? So not part of the plan. Luckily Ben has brains to go with his knockout looks and magnetism. After three long years of balancing law school with his job as a bouncer at Penny’s Palace, he’s ready to lead a more mature life—until his first day of work, when he finds himself in the office of that crazy, hot chick he met in Cancun. The one he hasn’t stopped thinking about. If Ben truly were a smart guy, he’d stay clear of Reese. She’s the boss’s stepdaughter and it’s been made very clear that office romances are grounds for dismissal. Plus, rumor has it she’s trouble. The only problem is, he likes trouble, especially when it’s so good-looking…

From the bestselling author and creator of the hit Netflix drama The Stranger comes the #1 New York Times bestseller about the ties we have to our past—and the lies that bind us together—as the ultimate Internet scam unfolds... Surfing an online dating site, NYPD detective Kat Donovan feels her whole world explode. Staring back at her is her ex-fiancé, the man who shattered her heart—and whom she hasn’t seen in eighteen years. But when Kat reaches out to the man in the profile, an unspeakable conspiracy comes to light. As Kat begins to investigate, her feelings are challenged about everyone she’s ever loved—even her father, whose cruel murder so long ago has never been fully explained. With lives on the line, including her own, Kat must venture deeper into the darkness than she ever has before and discover if she has the strength to survive what she finds there.

Fall in love with the Alpha Douchebags of Grifton Falls University! A new adult, contemporary romance series with all the angst, passion and dirty, foul-mouthed boys who know how to handle girls with curves. These college boys think it’s all fun and games... until they meet the one. Alpha Douchebag: The Prince, is part of a DUET!!!! The Alpha Douchebags have two rules. No girlfriends. No kissing on the mouth. All his life, Gabriel Saint has had everything he’s ever wanted. The house. The truck. The girls. His college rugby team is a shoe-in for state championship. His senior year is supposed to be his best yet. All the girls want him. All the guys want to be him. Until freshman Willow Mason shows up and throws his world off its axis. And suddenly, everything he wants, doesn’t matter anymore. All he wants is her. All he sees, is her. He won’t let anything stand in his way. When Willow gets a scholarship to one of the top ten universities in the nation, she knew she couldn’t give the opportunity away. But when she arrives on campus, she’s hated on sight. The little college town doesn’t like outsiders. She doesn’t let the privileged, rich, elitists get the best of her. When she locks stares with the most powerful and popular guy on campus, she tries to resist, but not for long. Soon they’re spending every waking minute together. He can’t get enough of her sweet, tempting body and she falls deeper in love with a guy who may never love her back.

#1 NATIONAL BESTSELLER • In this “thoroughly gripping” (New York Times) continuation of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, Lisbeth Salander lies in critical condition in a Swedish hospital, a bullet in her head. But she's fighting for her life in more ways than one: if and when she recovers, she'll stand trial for three murders. • Also known as the Millennium series In the next installment of the Millennium series, with the help of Mikael Blomkvist, Salander will need to identify those in authority who have allowed the vulnerable, like herself, to suffer abuse and violence. And, on her own, she'll seek revenge—against the man who tried to kill her and against the corrupt government institutions that nearly destroyed her life. Look for the latest book in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, The Girl in the Eagle's Talons, coming soon!

Gordon Korman's classic, bestselling series celebrates its 35th anniversary! Macdonald Hall's ivy-covered buildings have housed and educated many fine young Canadians. But Bruno Walton and Boots O'Neal are far from being fine young Canadians. The roommates and best friends are nothing but trouble! Together they've snuck out after lights-out, swapped flags, kidnapped mascots . . . and that's only the beginning. Bruno and Boots are always in trouble. So the headmaster, a.k.a. "The Fish," decides it would be best to separate them. Bruno must now room with ghoulish Elmer Drimsdale, plus his plants, goldfish and ants. And Boots is stuck with nerdy, preppy, paranoid George Wexford-Smyth III.Of course, this means war. Because Bruno and Boots are determined to get their old room back, no matter what it takes. Join two of Gordon Korman's most memorable characters in seven side-splitting, rip-roaring adventures! Macdonald Hall is the series that started it all, and thirty-five years later it remains a must-read for old fans and new, the young — and the young at heart.