Here's Your Sign

Here's Your Sign
Title Here's Your Sign PDF eBook
Author Bill Engvall
Publisher Thomas Nelson
Total Pages 161
Release 2005-09-27
Genre Humor
ISBN 1418530530

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Stupid people are everywhere! "Last summer," says Bill Engvall, "I got a flat tire and pulled into a gas station lot. The attendant walked out, looked at the tire, and asked, 'Tire go flat?' I kept a straight face and replied, 'No, I was driving down the road when all of a sudden those other three just swelled right up on me.' Without batting an eyelash, he nodded his head and said, 'Yep. The heat'll do that.' What else could I say? I just reached intomy briefcase and handed him his very own Stupid sign." For the first time in print, here are more than 200 classic "Here's Your Sign" jokes?along with silly product warnings and some favorite family stories. Bill's hilarious look at the ridiculous things people say and do will keep you laughing. I was carrying out a bag of garbage the other day and my neighbor yelled across the fence, "Are you taking out the trash?" I said, "No, I'm going to feed our pet rats." Here's your sign! After fishing with a buddy, we pulled our boat into the dock and lifted out this big string of fish. A guy on the dock asked, "Y'all catch all them fish?" I said, "Nope. We talked them into giving up." Here's your sign!

Just a Guy

Just a Guy
Title Just a Guy PDF eBook
Author Bill Engvall
Publisher St. Martin's Press
Total Pages 258
Release 2007-05-29
Genre Humor
ISBN 1429914246

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What does it mean to be JUST A GUY? --A guy doesn't think before he speaks. --Eating and sleeping always come first. Always. --A guy may get married, but he doesn't have to like it. --It's tough to admit, but all guys are exactly the same. Blue Collar Comedy Star Bill Engvall is JUST A GUY. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it. He was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: A person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. JUST A GUY chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs. In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Bill Engvall takes you on the rollicking ride of his life, beginning with his childhood in Texas and adolescence in Arizona, becoming a fixture in local emergency rooms, the result of massive amounts of non-thinking behavior trying to impress girls or torture his sisters; to high school in Dallas where he dabbled in an array of truly odd jobs, learned the trombone, and came of age, all strangely connected; to college and his tenure as his fraternity's social chairman, where he masterminded a series of legendary parties and attempted to rescue his pet bird while the house was burning down (not his fault, honest); to following his dream as a standup comic and, gulp, singer; to his brief stint in children's theater while sharing the stage and the back of a van with the director's dog, and as a movie extra with forked tongue and cloth claws; to his bumbling and riotous courtship, then marriage to Gail, the love of his life; and, finally, fatherhood, where he remains, to this day, a well-meaning, but flawed parent. Through it all, Bill gamely stumbles along, struggling to maintain a façade of confidence and control. Far from a superhero, Bill Engvall is an everyday Everyman, the poster boy for normal. The result is JUST A GUY who is disarming, perceptive, wildly funny, and unexpectedly moving. JUST A GUY will make you laugh out loud and tug at your heart. Hopefully, not at the same time.

The Liberal Redneck Manifesto

The Liberal Redneck Manifesto
Title The Liberal Redneck Manifesto PDF eBook
Author Trae Crowder
Publisher Simon and Schuster
Total Pages 352
Release 2017-10-10
Genre Humor
ISBN 1501160400

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"The Liberal Rednecks--a three-man stand-up comedy group doing scathing political satire--celebrate all that's good about the South while leading the Redneck Revolution and standing proudly blue in a sea of red. Smart, hilarious, and incisive, the Liberal Rednecks confront outdated traditions and intolerant attitudes, tackling everything people think they know about the South--the good, the bad, the glorious, and the shameful--in a laugh-out-loud funny and lively manifesto for the rise of a New South. Home to some of the best music, athletes, soldiers, whiskey, waffles, and weather the country has to offer, the South has also been bathing in backward bathroom bills and other bigoted legislation that Trae Crowder has targeted in his Liberal Redneck videos, which have gone viral with over 50 million views. Perfect for fans of Stuff White People Like and I Am America (And So Can You), The Liberal Redneck Manifesto skewers political and religious hypocrisies in witty stories and hilarious graphics--such as the Ten Commandments of the New South--and much more! While celebrating the South as one of the richest sources of American culture, this entertaining book issues a wake-up call and a reminder that the South's problems and dreams aren't that far off from the rest of America's"--

We Are Here Forever

We Are Here Forever
Title We Are Here Forever PDF eBook
Author Michelle Gish
Publisher Quirk Books
Total Pages 229
Release 2019-07-30
Genre Comics & Graphic Novels
ISBN 1683691210

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It’s the most adorable apocalypse ever! Based on the popular webcomic, this all-new stand-alone comics collection artfully blends post-apocalyptic sci fi, dry humor, and utter adorability. The human race has vanished replaced by innocent, playful, creatures called the Puramus. In this hilarious and epic graphic novel, short interlocking stories follow the purple pals as they explore their new home, form a mini-monarchy, and develop a modern society on par with 21st-century humans. A final act pulls us across time and space in the search for clues to the origins of the Puramus. Along the way, humor and intrigue abound: Can King defend his village when nobody understands what war is? Will Jingle work up the nerve to read her poetry at open mic night? Will Puffpuff ever stop floating? Based on the webcomic, We Are Here Forever is for fans of post-apocalyptic sci fi blended with dry humor and undeniable adorableness. Colorful and cartoony art will have you rooting for these cute critters through their absurd adventures...but are they really as harmless as they seem?

The Casual Vacancy

The Casual Vacancy
Title The Casual Vacancy PDF eBook
Author J. K. Rowling
Publisher Little, Brown
Total Pages 512
Release 2012-09-27
Genre Fiction
ISBN 0316228559

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A big novel about a small town... When Barry Fairbrother dies in his early forties, the town of Pagford is left in shock. Pagford is, seemingly, an English idyll, with a cobbled market square and an ancient abbey, but what lies behind the pretty façade is a town at war. Rich at war with poor, teenagers at war with their parents, wives at war with their husbands, teachers at war with their pupils...Pagford is not what it first seems. And the empty seat left by Barry on the parish council soon becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has yet seen. Who will triumph in an election fraught with passion, duplicity, and unexpected revelations? A big novel about a small town, The Casual Vacancy is J.K. Rowling's first novel for adults. It is the work of a storyteller like no other.

Here's to Your Dreams!

Here's to Your Dreams!
Title Here's to Your Dreams! PDF eBook
Author Dave Hollis
Publisher Thomas Nelson
Total Pages 36
Release 2022-11-08
Genre Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 1400231760

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In this adventure picture book that reinforces a child's self-esteem, father of four and New York Times bestselling author Dave Hollis draws on the themes of his popular video series "Teatime with Noah" to help kids believe in themselves, have courage, and chase after their dreams. The story begins with one of Daddy and Noah's beloved father-daughter tea parties, as Daddy encourages young Noah to follow her dreams. Young readers will delight to see the tea party transform into a fantastical adventure as Noah discovers that she wants to be a ship captain. But soon everything goes wrong. Noah doesn't know how to be a captain, and she doesn't even have a ship! When she starts to build her own, things go from bad to worse. Through each hardship, Daddy guides Noah, empowering her to ride the waves of life with courage. With vivid illustrations from Arief Putra and whimsical rhymes, Here's to Your Dreams! Is for ages 4 to 8 Encourages children to explore their own interests, pursue their dreams, and overcome obstacles Is a conversation-starter for topics such as self-esteem, bravery, and personal growth Is perfect for creating special daddy-daughter moments Is a great gift for birthdays, baby showers, adoption parties, gender reveal parties, and Father's Day With a fun and entertaining style, Dave Hollis tells a rollicking adventure story that encourages boys and girls to believe in themselves, not be afraid to make mistakes, and use their gifts--because nothing is out of their reach.

The Dot

The Dot
Title The Dot PDF eBook
Author Peter H. Reynolds
Publisher Candlewick Press
Total Pages 33
Release 2022-05-31
Genre Juvenile Fiction
ISBN 153621809X

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Vashti believes that she cannot draw, but her art teacher's encouragement leads her to change her mind and she goes on to encourage another student who feels the same as she had.