Once I was a sane, levelheaded professional woman. Then I said “yes.” Now I am the lunatic bride I always made fun of! What is it about getting married that turns normal people into total freaks? A savvy, riotously funny novel, Diary of a Mad Bride is for anyone who has ever been a bride, is about to become a bride, yearned to be a bride, or suffered the sheer indignity of appearing in public in the world’s ugliest bridesmaid dress.... My wedding was starting in less than twenty minutes, and I was stuck in a 7-Eleven parking lot with popcorn kernels wedged in my gums and vanilla ice cream melting on my dress. It was a disaster too large to comprehend. After an agonizing year spent planning my wedding, could it really end like this? The voices chronicling a year of wedding hysteria swirled in my head.... — My grandmother upon viewing my engagement ring: “What do you mean he gave you an emerald! Diamonds are eternal, emeralds say, maybe five years.” — My future father-in-law on the night of my engagement party: “To a happy marriage and, if necessary, a painless divorce!” — My best friend, Anita: “Oh, screw congratulations. Of course I’m happy for you. Stephen’s a major piece of ass and he’s got a sense of humor. Just as long as you’re certain this is what you want.” Would I survive this day after all....?

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A Mad Marriage by May Agnes Fleming Excerpt am not to blame, mother, believe that. Only (it is not a pleasant thing to tell) Mrs. Englehart has taken it into that supremely foolish head of hers to be jealous of me--of poor, plain Joan Kennedy! The major, a kind old soul, has spoken a friendly word or two in passing and--behold the result! Don't let us talk about it. I'll start out to-morrow morning and search all Quebec, and get a situation or perish in the attempt. And now, Mistress Jessie, I'll take a cup of tea."

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